our not so little family

Last weekend my friend Erica spent the afternoon with us & her camera capturing the sweetness of The Valentine Nest as we have grown from a family of four to a family of six. Here are some of the favorites....

my absolute favorite

the big sisters

Owen in green, Anson in orange

Anson

Owen on top, Anson on bottom

OWEN MARSHALL

ANSON ELLIS

sweet snuggly boys who would wake up every time we tried to get pictures of them sleeping individually : ) 

Owen on left, Anson on right

Thankful for this very full Nest

Counting Teeth

We added the girls onto our dental insurance last year but after our life was over taken with the intensity of a twin pregnancy, we put off taking the girls to the dentist. We figured their teeth were in decent shape until Eloise was potty trained by way of 3,000 jellybeans. That pushed me over the edge & I called to make appointments for both girls. 

We have an old copy from my childhood of Arthur's Tooth that Charlotte has enjoyed over the course of the past year. I love that she loves reading my old books but this one came back to haunt us due to this picture....

I'm pretty certain that Charlotte thought of this when we told her she would soon be visiting the dreaded dentist. She, in true Charlotte fashion expressed her complete aversion toward the dentist multiple times a day, every day for about a week before her appointment. We stopped even bringing it up in hopes that she would forget about it ; ) My mom mentioned that the dentist would count her teeth thinking that Charlotte would like that since she loves to count.  Oh my, that did not go over well with her! She would be completely quiet eating her breakfast & would randomly yell "I don't want the dentist to count my teeth!!" It was a bit humorous if we are being honest here ; ) 

Eloise on the other hand was excited to go on a car ride alone with Mommy, even to see the dentist! Eloise is so adaptable. I am not sure if that is common of a second child but I do enjoy that about her.  As we rode in the car together, I watched her looking out the window pointing out school buses, cows & ho-sees. It is so wild how big your baby looks when you have another baby (or two).  It made me teary eyed to think about how quickly she is growing & developing.  Just witnessing her transition into being a big sister since the boys have been home has made me love her even more. 

Back to the dentist....

We arrived right on time at the pediatric dentist & walked into a room FULL of crazy kids! There was a movie on & toys to play with. I think Eloise was in shock after being in quarantine since her brothers arrived. She brought her Minnie Mouse along for the trip & held her close as she took it all in.  I chatted with a mom there that had identical twin girls that were just a little younger than Elo. She assured me that if I thought the newborn phase was challenging to get ready for toddlers. I just love encouraging words from others ; ) I had to laugh as I sat there & listened to all the racket coming from the rooms in the back.  It seriously sounded like they were torturing 10 kids at one time with all the screaming! I was thankful that little oblivious Eloise was the guinea pig for our pediatric dentistry experience. We waited to be called & finally heard our name. Eloise scooped up Minnie Mouse & walked bravely to the back. 

The hygienist was really sweet & asked Eloise to climb up on the table. I helped her up & she laid right down & put Minnie by her side. She was delighted to see a TV screen directly over her head....that helped to provide a bit of a distraction although I'm not sure she needed one. 

You seriously would have thought this child had been to the dentist once a week for an entire year! She did exactly what she was asked & let her clean every tooth, squirt water in, suck it out & put the fluoride treatment on all without a wiggle (or a bite).  Here she is with her little mouth open wide....

She had an excellent report which was expected with the amount of time this child spends brushing those pearly whites. She has 14 to be exact & should have the last four molars coming in between age 2 & 3. Eloise was happy to receive a butterfly sticker & new toothbrush for her bravery...

And when asked to show me her super duper clean teeth, she quickly obliged...

What else would you celebrate her first teeth cleaning with other than sugary sweetness...

It was a great first visit & we hurried home to tell her big sissy all about it so she would be prepared for her visit a couple days later.  Charlotte took one look at the pictures & again screamed "I don't want the dentist to count my teeth!!" "Great" I thought...what am I going to do? A little background to justify my anxiety....We recently visited the pediatrician for a suspected urinary tract infection. We had to see a different one than she is used too which was the first problem.  Charlotte went bonkers when she tried to listen to her with a stethoscope.  This was totally out of character for the child who requests a full examination when we go for her sister's visit. I pictured a complete replay of our visit times a million since they would be putting things in her mouth. I recruited muscle man Rob to accompany us just in case she needed some "assistance" if you will.

She told us multiple times how she did not want to go while we were driving there. We talked about being brave & I chose to refrain from telling her about how I loathe getting my teeth cleaned.  We walked into a quiet. calm waiting area & she happily sat down next to Rob. They called our name within 2 minutes & we were taken to the back.

Again, we had a lovely hygienist that knew just what to say to convince Charlotte that everything was going to be alright. I held my breath as she asked her to hop up on the table.  I was in shock when she climbed up, laid down & opened her mouth when asked to do so.

She was looking pretty stylish in the new shoes her Gaga bought for her earlier that day...

She never even batted an eye as they did all they needed to do...

She even flashed a smile when it was all over!

She too received an excellent report minus one small detail. All that thumb sucking could be the cause of this girlie needing some braces someday.  This issue is something we have not tackled but maybe should have earlier on. I was a thumb sucker myself & from what my mom has told me, I was found doing so in my sleep in elementary school. I know it must be hard to stop.  I do think it was helpful to have someone other than mommy & daddy talk to her about it.  She got her attention & Charlotte has been taking her thumb out of her mouth frequently saying "oops, I forgot!" She & her Daddy came up with a code word that we can say to remind her.  "Drop Bear" has been exclaimed pretty often in the past 3 days but I think it does the trick.  If we could only train Eloise to shout it from her crib randomly throughout the night we might be able to kick this bad habit! 

Charlotte was adorable leaving as she was super proud of herself.  We were quite proud of her too.

Her reward was to go to a playground with just mommy & daddy.  We stopped over in Lake Nona near the dentist & played for a bit with this girl who seems older every day!

I would say we had great successes for our first visit to the dentist! Charlotte was really disappointed the following day that we were not returning for another visit. She told me that she wants to go every day. Proof that you should never say you don't like something if you have never tried it.

Eloise & her big girl panties

I'm not sure what it is about the Valentine girls but Charlotte, cousin Karis & now Eloise each had a mind of their own when it came to potty training. I definitely had a different time planned to complete the process but Eloise decided the week the boys came home from the NICU was absolutely perfect! I mean really, could you think of a better time to potty train rather than adding two newborns into the mix? Ha! Maybe it was that Eloise wanted a little blogging attention since her brothers stole the show in the recent months ; )  

My mom was really the one that convinced me that we should just go for it since we had made the decision to quarantine ourselves until the boys hit the two month mark.  We were thinking that if we didn't do it now we may not have time (or energy) to do it for another year or two ; )  I have also heard from many a parent to not pass on the opportunity to train when a child shows interest/readiness so the decision was made...potty training would begin the following morning.  My mom & I read up on the 3 Day Potty Training method we previously used & looked back at the blog post of when I did it with Charlotte.  I was feeling great about our decision until I looked back at the blog post & was reminded of the pure torture it was for the entire family. I was prepared for the worst & told my mom to get ready!

Char & I went to the store early the next morning to get some juice, stickers, jellybeans & a couple toys for Eloise.  She was really excited to help sissy!

Here is the counter all set up....

Right after breakfast we threw a diaper in the trash & made a big deal about how Eloise was a big girl & got to wear big girl panties like Charlotte. She smiled big & slid on the first pair of Minnie Mouse undies.  Here she is getting some instruction from the potty expert. Love that little tush!

Eloise had been going on the potty on & off & was used to the feeling of emptying her bladder all the way. I think this helped immensely with the process.  Within a few minutes she ran to the potty, sat down & went! She said "yea Eh-Wheez!" while we all cheered.  That's pretty much how the day went.  She had about 3 accidents the first day which was the polar opposite of potty training the eldest child.  We were thankful for an easier experience with the current circumstances : ) One thing that has made us all laugh hard is how she was approaching the potty the first day. She would start walking backward towards it then lean forward placing her hands on the ground. She walked backward on all fours until she could see the potty & feel it on her calves before sitting down. Rob said that showing her how to get on the potty was his contribution to the whole training....hahaha!

Here is little Elo sitting on her potty....so cute!

One of the exciting toys was a bouncy balloon on a string.  It provided much entertainment & still is a week & 5 days later!

My mom took on the role of primary potty trainer keeping Eloise nearby at all times. Eloise was happy with this arrangement since my mom is her favorite person. They cooked together, ate together, played together....you name it, it happened together! 

Jellybeans happened to be on sale a week after Easter so we got a bag of Starburst flavored ones...my favorite. Eloise was SO good at going on the potty she ate like a million of them the first day! We had to cut her off & switch to more stickers than jellybeans : ) Charlotte decided that she would like to be rewarded for going on the potty too. She would declare her success each & every time. She went about 10 times as often as she usually does just to maximize her jellybean intake for the day.  We cheered for her too but by day 2 she would go into the bathroom alone & then scream from the potty "I don't want anyone to say 'yea Charlotte' when I go potty!" It was pretty hilarious.

Elo & her favorite color jellybean...

Quick summary of the progress over our three days & beyond:

Day 1: 3 accidents including one during naptime, 1 accident overnight
Day 2: 2 accidents, dry during naptime, dry overnight with us taking her potty once before we went to bed
Day 3: 1 or 2 accidents, dry during naptime, dry overnight with the same routine as night before

Since then she has done really well with maybe one accident every few days usually while she is running to the potty but sometimes while playing. We are still taking her right before we go to bed since she is sleeping in a crib & not able to get up & go right away if she needs to. I'm not sure when we will stop this..maybe soon.  It's funny how it works....I wrote the previous few sentences a couple hours ago & since then she has had two accidents.  So, we are not 100% yet but we are headed that way.

All of those accidents listed above are "tee-tee" as we call it. Poopie is a whole different ballgame for this girl. This maybe TMI but the blog post IS about potty training so here you go! For the weeks leading up to potty training she had a little constipation with a few painful passings if you will. Those experiences scared her big time.  So, every time she has to go #2 she runs through the house yelling "poopie hurts! poopie comin'!" It is hard not to laugh....it makes me grin just thinking about it.  She usually makes it within a foot of the potty & is in a crouched position pushing like a woman having a baby. We have to guide her backward & once it is out she is really excited & shouting what it looks like (rock, snake, you get the idea)...also hilarious.  Since I wrote this paragraph Eloise has gone twice on her own right in the potty. As I started this post I said that Valentine girls do things their own way....enough said.

Both girls are hooked on Caillou right now so Elo's favorite prize for being such a big girl is her very own Caillou figurine. He watched her eat breakfast the first morning, has gone on multiple car rides & even watches himself on Netflix.

Who knows how long it will be before we are accident free but I think we might be close. It's not like there are any other transitions going on in this child's life right now to distract her ; ) We are very proud of Eloise & are jumping for joy to only be buying diapers for 2 kids instead of 3! I requested that the extra money be put into a spoil mommy account...maybe a pedicure once a month? No answer yet from the leader of the pack.

Crazy to think that the next potty training in this house will be double time & for BOYS! We might send all three of the boys in this house on a camping trip for the weekend or something...knock it out that way ; )

Life in the NICU: Part 2

Onto part two of life in the NICU.....

The boys spent the first week of life in Level 3 of the NICU. On their one week birthday, they got relocated to Level 2. We arrived in the morning & were scrubbing our hands outside of their original room when a secretary caught our attention to let us know that they had been moved. We were SO excited to hear the great news & practically skipped (me not Rob) over to where Owen & Anson were.  In Level 2, each room is split into two sides. Our boys were in a crib together on one side while another baby girl was in her bassinet on the other. We shared a sink, refrigerator, sometimes a nurse then, all said & done, tears & prayers. More on that later. 

It was a great move although we immediately missed our big comfy reclining chairs in Level 3 as I settled into a small awkward rocker & Rob into a rolling desk chair. What mattered most though was we had boys that were healthy, growing & had taken one step closer to the exit. When we were originally told the plans for my delivery date & I received another round of corticosteriods to speed up lung maturity, the perinatologist guessed that we would spend no more than a week in the NICU. 

A week came & went in the blink of an eye & even though the boys had been moved to the next level nursery, it felt like they might never come home.  This feeling would come & go frequently bringing sadness & then excitement as they made progress. Saturday morning we arrived bright & early to the unit. I immediately saw an old friend Denise that used to work with me in Labor & Delivery caring for the babies. We smiled & hugged then she told me that she was taking care of Owen & Anson! What wonderful news this was after a rough start with a different nurse on our first day there.  We were so thankful for that assignment because she was exactly who I needed to take care of my little buckaroos on what proved to be a difficult day.  The boys were still not showing any cues that they wanted to feed so we continued with the "usual." The "usual" was attempt to latch each baby to nurse which at 1 week of age was not too successful. The goal at this time was that they would nuzzle at the breast while receiving their entire feeding via naso-gastric tube.  We always had to laugh because Owen would start to grin when the nurse was programming the pump to start his feeding. It was like he was thinking "Alright, here it comes! I'll be feeling good soon!" 

During these feedings I tried to do lots of Kangaroo Care with the boys together & separately. There is nothing quite like having a baby or two snuggled on your chest.  Those were precious moments that will last a lifetime. The picture below is one of my very favorites from the weeks in the NICU. 

Back to that difficult day.  I was still pumping like a crazy lady to establish a good milk supply while they were unable to nurse efficiently.  One week in, I was still not ahead of what they were eating so they were getting a combination of formula & breast milk.  A wise woman & friend of mine Heather shared with me prior to Charlotte's birth to remember that formula is not poison, it's baby food even though I was determined to breastfeed.  I was able to make enough milk & continue nursing through the first year with both girls & had high hopes going into feeding twins but kept reminding myself of Heather's statement.  Good thing because these boys received both and still are receiving breast milk fortified with a preemie formula. I did not have an issue with it until that Saturday.  Charlotte had come to visit the boys, threw a HUGE fit & was carried out kicking & screaming. Rob took her home & left me there for a few hours. 

It was really my first time to be alone that long with the boys. I was holding both while they were receiving their tube feeds & they began screaming as it was infusing & seemed so uncomfortable.  Then they simultaneously started throwing up all over me & each other.  Thankfully Denise was nearby & jumped in to help.  She felt that the ordered amount was too much & the rate was too fast so she spoke with the neonatologist  (on more than one occasion in order to convince them)  & got both decreased. Gotta love a nurse that advocates for her patients (and their mommy). Rob returned that afternoon, we spent some time together with the boys & then left to go home.  Rob went to get the truck while I swaddled them both, laid them snuggled up together, leaned over the rail & kissed them each on the head saying "bye bye sweet babies, see you soon!" My eyes immediately filled with tears & I felt a lump in my throat. I felt overwhelmingly hot & wanted to run away as fast as I could.  I made it downstairs & got into the truck. 

My dad called me right when we got in the car & cheerfully asked "How are the boys?" I'm sure he was expecting my typical optimistic response but instead I completely lost it.This seems like it really wasn't a big deal looking back but oh my, that day was awful for me! I'm pretty sure he could barely understand me as I cried through telling him about all the discomfort they were experiencing & how I hated leaving them there. I said I hated that they were getting formula & not breast milk as if that would be the perfect solution to their discomfort. He was encouraging as usual, making light of the situation saying "You know what I would do for the next week? I would enjoy sleeping at night." Ha! That made me laugh even though I was still crying.  We got off the phone & Rob asked me if I was okay. I cried uncontrollably the whole way home & then cried some more when my mom asked if I wanted to talk. I felt better after getting some tears out but still felt so strange about being separated from my babies. I called Denise a couple times before her shift was over to check on the little guys. She reported that the boys were tolerating their decreased volume & rate without any spitting up, praise the Lord. I rested better that evening & looked forward to waking up to pump & call for an update. 

Days continued to pass and God continued to provide nurse after nurse to care for not only our babies but our hearts as well. He also let us enjoy more sweet smiles from each precious boy. Here is Anson...

It is so strange how it feels like your life (and everyone elses) should be on pause when your babies are in the NICU. Well, it doesn't...it just continues on and really, I was thankful for that. My mom spent COUNTLESS hours with the girls while we were traveling back & forth from the NICU.  Good thing she doesn't want us to try because we  could never repay her for selflessness in the past months.  The sweet big sisters continued with their silliness.... 

And then we got to celebrate Bella Blue's 8th birthday which was a little sad without Bennett.  We had some good laughs as we watched Bella snarf a cupcake in about a tenth of a second : )  She looks like she is licking her lips as if to say "that was yummy!"

The girls tolerated our coming & going pretty well, probably better than me. We deemed the bench on the front porch the "bye bye bench" where they would sit & wave until we were out of sight. We like routine. There were some tearful goodbyes but not many since they love spending time with Grandma. 

The boys continued to gain weight & slowly began to latch on to nurse for a bit longer each time. Midway through week two, I was weighing them before & after nursing finding that they were taking about 1/3 of amount they needed from me. They were followed up with the rest via tube to complete their feedings. My "job" was nurse, nurse, hold while tube feeding goes in (over about 45 minutes), pump, take a potty break & repeat. It felt like there was barely time to feed myself! Small victories were celebrated as we heard from the nurses that cared for them. Victories like: "lots of poopies," "cueing to feed," "taking 5 ml from a bottle," "umbilical cord falling off" & "gaining an ounce." I picked out swaddle blankets & preemie size clothes to leave there. I would take the bag of dirty laundry home, wash, fold & take back. I pumped 9-10 times a day & brought in milk for my babies. It is SO strange to have someone else providing around the clock care to your babies after they have been inside you the whole pregnancy. It felt like bringing in milk & clothes was all I could do to be "mommy" from home then of course no one else nurses them or does Kangaroo Care but I felt so limited! On the flip side, being mommy to the boys (in person) meant that I was separated from the girls. I felt like everyone was losing, including me. I was tired, in pain from my cesarean & full of emotional ups & downs even if I smiled most of the time.

We tried all sorts of combinations of time in the NICU & at home. I spent one night there which was enjoyable but I felt like I didn't sleep well at all so I stuck with spending day time or late nights with the boys.  Rob & I went together often, others helped with the girls so my mom could take me, Aunt Jenny arranged for someone to watch her kiddos so she could join me & sometimes I hitched rides with others & went alone.  We all enjoyed our fair shares of snuggles...

Another favorite picture of my mom with Anson's feet....As I wrote this, I had to call my mom over to help me figure out which baby it was in the picture ha! It is definitely Anson but that is exactly what Owen looks like now. 

Talk about life continuing on, we celebrated Robby's 32nd birthday with the boys in the NICU. The night before his birthday he said around 9:30 that all he wanted for his birthday was to go see the boys again for a late night snuggle. We hopped in the car & headed back downtown.  We had a WONDERFUL evening as we talked about what March 22nd ten years prior was like for us. We spent about six hours straight watching movies with friends & held hands for the first time after midnight on his 22nd birthday.  I told my dad that the following day (this year) & he said "I guess you better be careful who you hold hands with." Haha! Who knew we would have four kids including a set of twins! We had lots of good laughs that night as we visited with the nurses & held the boys. One of the ongoing jokes in the NICU for us was when we were behind the curtain & we could hear the nurse pull apart the syringe to fill with milk, it made a sound like a cork popping out of a bottle of champagne. We would say "party in the NICU!" So that night when our nurse Sarah "popped the cork" Robby made a comment about how it was so nice of her to celebrate his birthday in the NICU. 

On his birthday, he snuggled his boys for a good long time while I watched : ) We picked up some Indian food on the way home & celebrated again with my mom & the girls over chocolate cake. 

So, I made it through about five days without tears & then Thursday morning when I spoke with the nurse she said that the boys were spitting up a lot & really fussy.  This kind woman assured me that she was spending a lot of time holding & rocking them. I knew they were cared for but I felt SO angry & frustrated. I wanted to be the one to hold them when they were fussy & to be the one to get spit up on...well maybe not spit up on ; ) I cried the whole way to the hospital, the majority of my visit & frequently for the following 24 hours. It was feeling like whatever progress was being made was at the pace of a turtle & they would be stuck there forever. I was wondering if the reason they were not moving along faster was because I didn't spend enough time there giving them the opportunity to nurse. That bothered me big time but in the end, they got the hang of bottles & got the heck out of there : ) That Thursday, the RN the boys had was new to us & I felt so ridiculous for crying so much. She talked to me for a bit & left me alone (at my request) to cry behind my curtain that I was praying would turn into a brick wall so I could give up the silent sobbing & maybe scream a little bit. 

The following day when I arrived one of my favorite day shift nurses came in to say hi. I told her that I really missed her the day before when I couldn't stop crying. She immediately pulled my curtain shut, sat down & acted like I was the most important person in that moment. As I shared what I was struggling through & how I felt about being separated from the boys she offered much encouragement that really calmed my heart & helped me continue putting one foot in front of the other. She shared with me that her grown son had recently suffered injuries in a car accident & moved back home She said that even though he is 20 years old, she hates being away from him, especially when he needs her.  She assured me that loving your babies never changes : ) This nurse was another sweet gift from God in the midst of feeling stretched to the max in all areas of life. 

I mentioned earlier that our "neighbor" & her family ended up being special to us.  Her mom & I visited a little bit each time we would see each other.  One afternoon I returned from getting a bite to eat & she caught me by the sink & said "I couldn't help but notice your book on the window sill,  (which was Shepherding a Child's Heart) I have been reading it for the past year!" She has a daughter Charlotte's age & we got to visit about parenting an almost 4 year old..so much to talk about! I shared with her about how I had cried for 24 hours straight & she made me feel pretty normal when she said she had spent the day crying as well.  Her baby ended up with an infection & had to move back to Level 3 nursery.  She stopped by to visit me one afternoon while I was alone with the boys & looked like she had been crying. I invited her in, we sat behind the curtain & got to visit some more about how challenging this experience has been. We got to pray with one another & we gave each other a hug. Yet another gift from God to have someone who understands exactly how rough it is to be separated from a child (or children). 

Easter weekend was a big weekend for the boys. Denise was assigned to the boys both days & Sue, a lovely nurse with an English accent had them at night. They both gave us fabulous news every time we visited or called in those 48 hours.  Both boys were taking feed after feed all from a bottle & got to have their feeding tubes removed! Denise is also a certified lactation consultant & had all sorts of great advice as I expressed my desire to transition to primarily breastfeeding once we were home. Things were looking good although when the NP stopped by for a visit she said the boys could be there for another week. That put a little damper on my excitement. 

When we got there Easter morning, the boys looked like little bunnies with blue hats & what appeared to be fluffy bunny tails on top. They were adorable without their tubes & I could kiss all over their faces without anything in the way! We changed them into their bunny outfits & took some pictures....

super cute hat : ) 

Owen on top, Anson on bottom....

These four pics make me laugh. It's like they were being silly & changing faces/poses with every snap...

We left Sunday night thinking that we were looking at another full week of traveling back & forth before bringing the boys home. Little did we know the exciting news we would receive the next day.  Monday morning Charlotte came with me to visit.  We were sitting in a chair feeding Owen a bottle when Dr. Alexander stopped by. He looked right at the big sis & said "Charlotte, would you like your brothers to come home tomorrow?"  Mind you it was April's Fools Day but I didn't think he would pull a joke like that so after a couple seconds of processing, glancing at Char to see her eyes lit up saying "Yes! Yes!" it registered in my brain....it was really happening! We would be bringing the buckaroos home! The only stipulation was that they passed the car seat challenge (90 minutes in car seat maintaining oxygen saturation) &  gained weight on their new feeding routine that had changed from a set amount every 3 hours to however much whenever they wanted it. Charlotte went home with my mom & I snuggled with the boys until Robby arrived a few hours later. We left around 4, made a stop at Babies R Us to pick up some necessities & a surprise gift for Charlotte & Eloise, grabbed a quick bite to eat & headed over to Ikea. It was a busy night & we were SO excited. I could hardly wait to hear from the night shift nurse what the current weights were & results of the car seat challenge.  I found out around 2 am on the 2nd that we were good to go!

Tuesday around 11, Robby & I headed to the hospital to pick up our little bundles : ) On our way out of the neighborhood we had to slow down as a mother duck waddled across the road with FOUR ducklings following closely behind her. I don't think that was a coincidence....God knows what delights our hearts & that made us both smile big.

The boys were ready to eat when we arrived so we fed them, packed up, dressed them in their Wild West outfits & were headed home in no time at all.

Here we are all ready to go....

The experience of having babies in the NICU was more challenging than I thought it would be.  I will end this post with a list of what are thankful for...

• a kindhearted & incredibly smart doctor that cared for Owen & Anson
• nurses who are gifted to walk alongside parents who are anxious : )
• that the boys got to stay together & come home together
• time spent just sitting & staring at our baby boys with no other interruption (things are a bit different now at the crazy house)
• God strengthening our marriage throughout difficult circumstances

What a wild ride we were on....or maybe wild rides are a new way of life ; ) Only time will tell!