the valentine nest: Life in the NICU- part one

"Expecting the Unexpected" was the title that came to mind in the weeks between seeing two yolk sacs & finding out that there were in fact twins growing in my womb. The Lord must have given that to me because there could not have been a more accurate statement about this ENTIRE experience. The title proved to encompass all: visit after visit, emotional ups & downs, an early cesarean delivery followed by a stay in the neonatal intensive care unit & countless moments of extreme joy coupled with stress that for some reason I thought could be avoided.

I blogged weekly throughout the final months of pregnancy....I am struggling to blog more than a paragraph...and the boys aren't even home yet ; ) There is so much I want to record from the past 3 weeks & honestly some I have probably already forgotten. All that to say, I will give it a fair shot this evening.

The story picks up in the week the boys were born. Due to Owen's lack in growth, (ie falling WAY off the bottom of the percentile chart) it was decided that I would be delivered at 35 weeks & 0 days. The cesarean was expected & I was actually surprised I made it all the way to my scheduled date after the many contractions I experienced! I do wonder how much longer my body would have continued before going into labor...I guess we will never know. Following a vaginal delivery with Charlotte that resulted in some pretty significant discomfort for weeks & another delivery with Eloise that was literally a breeze, I was a little nervous to undergo a major abdominal surgery but was interested to know how it would compare to my first recovery. All said & done three weeks post delivery, this recovery has been a million times better than healing after Charlotte was born but definitely more uncomfortable than after my delivery with Eloise. I can officially say I have now experienced a good amount of scenarios as a patient & will be a better nurse because of it : )

I knew that the boys would be leaving the operating room quickly after surgery & that Owen would likely be going to the NICU. As emotionally prepared as possible, I kissed them both & sent them on their way with an incredible team & a daddy close by. I mentioned before that the following 9-10 hours were difficult as I wanted so badly to touch them but it felt wonderful to rest & eat my clear liquids.

Nothing quite prepares you to see your babies in an incubator with all sorts of things connected to them. Even knowing they were healthy & doing well, I was surprised with how it made me feel as their mommy.

The signs outside the boys' room : )

Owen-

Anson-

In fact when I looked back at these pictures I realized that I never even noticed they had a tube in their mouth! So strange....I guess I was heavily medicated ; ) Robby saw them during the day & once my night shift nurse came on I was able to get up out of the bed for the first time. I was chomping at the bit to get in a wheelchair & see my babies. I might have punched someone if they had told me to wait. To pass the time, I had seen a lactation consultant & got acquainted with my new best friend. It was yellow, had two tubes attached to the side that were connected to what my girls pretend is a telephone. Little did I know the bond we would form in the following weeks as it seemed like one of the only ways to be a mama to the boys I was separated from.

The NICU nurse had said previously that I might not get to hold the boys until the following morning but when we arrived on Friday evening, she asked if I would like to snuggle each of them!! I of course said YES YES YES! They were both on CPAP so I couldn't quite kiss their faces like I wanted to but oh my, to have them in my arms felt amazing! We spent a couple hours there before going back to my room to rest. During the night, they were both able to come off CPAP & switch to oxygen via a nasal cannula which seemed so much less intrusive : ) We returned bright & early the next morning ready for some more cuddles from the buckaroos.

I had told Rob about a million times that the moment I most looked forward to after their birth was the first time I could hold them both skin to skin at the same time...........

There are not words to describe how that moment felt but I will try....utter thankfulness to the God who created them & sustained their lives when we cried out for His mercy. Oh so precious.

Me & my boys : )

Later that day, we got to give them their first baths which neither really liked but boy were they happy when all swaddled up again! I'm sure it will be no time at all before they love their assistant bathers aka Char & Elo ...bath time will never be the same again!

Owen

Anson

The time in the hospital is a little vague in my mind but if I remember correctly it was during the nighttime the second night that I couldn't fall back asleep after pumping so I called the boys' nurses for an update. Robby was sound asleep or so I thought as I spoke with the nurse & found out that Anson was able to move into an open air bassinet! I asked if that meant he could be held anytime & she said yes. I called my nurse to see if someone would be able to take me down in my wheelchair but no one was free. I must have exhaled frustratingly enough for Robby to know what was going on. I heard him say in the pitch black "if I don't take you down there right now are you going to attempt to go by yourself?" I answered "yep, sounds about right!" It made us both laugh. He rolled me down & dropped me off. I stayed for about 3 hours & did lots of skin to skin. I even took a nap in the big reclining chair with both boys on my chest. Pumping every 2-2.5 hours around the clock was exhausting but still, I felt like I was on top of the world. I couldn't wait to see O & A & traveled from the 9th floor to the 3rd floor as much as possible.

My mom & dad got to visit together on Saturday night.
No one held the babes but did plenty of oooing & ahhing over them : )

Sunday morning I called my mom to see what their plans were for the day & found out that my Dad had come down with the crazy stomach bug that the girls were overtaken with. That was the straw that broke the camels back & sent me careening into a total sob fest. I was SO sad that this stupid stomach bug had seemingly ruined my family meeting the boys. Charlotte had to wait a whole 4-5 days before she could come to the hospital. I cried for a good while, ate some breakfast & headed back to see the boys.

Sunday afternoon, Bob & Jeannine made it into town from Dallas. They were so excited to come meet the boys as were Uncle Steve & Aunt Jenny.

Owen was able to move into the open air bassinet as well but didn't last for more than 12 hours before his temperature dropped & he had to move back in. Thankfully they gave him another try the following day & he was able to maintain warmth. It's hard to do when you don't have any meat on your bones ; ) It was only a couple days later that they got moved to a shared crib which made this mommy & daddy melt to see their sweet little faces all snuggled up together!

Charlotte got to come meet the boys on Tuesday morning following the boys' arrival. My mom brought her up & then swapped places with Rob so he could help her scrub her hands. Her eyes were so wide when she walked into a room with 6 tiny babies with lots of bells & whistles as you can imagine. I held both boys as she entered & she came straight over. One of the first things she said was "I like your dress mommy!" Haha! Such a girl ; ) She was delighted to see their toes & then overjoyed to hold Owen. Her smile in the picture below is sooooo precious!

It was a bummer that Eloise could not visit since she hasn't reached the second birthday yet but I am guessing she might have terrorized the entire room so I think it was for the best ; ) She did come visit us when we were in the hospital which made me one happy mama. We had a quick lunch date following a ride downstairs in the wheelchair with Elo in my lap.

It was not difficult for me to leave the hospital. I really thought that being discharged without them would be SO emotional but I was happy to go see the girls, get settled at home & come back to visit that evening. I have felt for so long that I wanted to just get the show on the road so going home was a part of that & was fine by me.

I know that the roller coaster began way back in August when we saw a positive result on a pregnancy test but really, the ride we were on took a detour & hopped onto a crazier track when we left the hospital without babies in our arms. The visiting began and for much of the first two weeks we did two trips a day. Since I was unable to drive following a c-section, I always had a buddy with me. I shed little tears the first week but as the separation continued it became more difficult to bear. God was so gracious in providing many great nurses in the NICU plus a few that exceeded our expectations & provided excellent care not only for their teeny tiny patients but also for the mommy & daddy. One in particular I owe much thanks for the encouragement to continue pumping every 2 hours around the clock even though I only had a half milliliter to show for it. She excitedly drew it up in a syringe & pushed it into Owen's little mouth. We were grateful for the genuine care & concern for our family & for the unending encouragement.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from our time in Level 3 with Big A & Little O....