Dirty Windows - 500th post

It has been 2 months since any blog activity here at the Nest...that's a first. While there have been many occasions I desire to document, the hold up has been that this post is NUMBER 500 & I want it to be significant, not just Arlo's adventures in potty training. I guess that was pretty significant but not what I had in mind!  I could probably list 500 reasons why I have not written this post yet but I'll spare you ; ) 

The following picture has been in my draft folder for over two years. It may seem strange but this dirty window brought about a significant moment in our home. The front door of the house we moved into when we returned to the homeland was clearly chosen by someone who did not have a dog & five sticky handed children which included one drooling baby. It was constantly filthy & seemed utterly pointless to clean.

One afternoon, the sun poured through the immense branches of the pecan trees that killed our grass & right into our entry way. Charlotte at 6 years old walked by & said nonchalantly "Mom, the sun makes our windows so dirty!" I laughed out loud as I realized that she noticed the filth too. While it was silly, it ended up being a moment where God provided just the response she & I both needed.

I replied "Do you know what Charlotte? The light doesn't make our windows dirty, the light exposes how dirty they actually are."

Ephesians 5:13 says "When anything is exposed by the light it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light" 

The filth on those windows is my sin & Jesus himself says in John 8:12 that HE is the light of the world. In his love, "God has shone his light into our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:6

Sin is exposed but in confessing it to him, "he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9. 

Through the death & resurrection of Jesus, he has conquered sin & death. As a follower of Christ I know that when God looks at me, he doesn't see all the filthiness, instead he looks upon his Son who in love, paid the price for my sins. What a marvelous thing to celebrate.

The problem is, I still see all the dirtiness. I am well aware of my short comings & fall into the trap of feeling guilty & wondering "How can God love me?" I work so hard (sometimes) to keep the windows clean but it never fails, they get dirty again. In the same way, I am disappointed with myself for the snippy responses to my children, my desire for other things over time reading my bible, my struggle to be content in all aspects of the current stage of life. The list goes on & on....that could be another list of 500 things ; ) 

Specifically speaking of lack of Windex & paper towels applied routinely to windows in our home, I always think that when we move, I will keep my windows cleaner. Guess what? THEY LOOK THE SAME, HAHA!  Right now on our back door is mud from happy trench digging hands & Bella's 13 year old snout, splashes from when Arlo is "helping" me clean with a rag he dipped in that dirty snouted dog's water bowl, some snot & plenty of other gross-ness. But on one of the top panes is a cross drawn by one of the girls (by spit on their finger of course). They said "Mom, isn't that great to see?" Yes, it is. That cross covers every bit of my sin.

The windows of my home look dirty to me but to God, the "windows" of my heart look spotless, without blemish due to the sacrifice of his son. The best part is that I didn't have to clean them AND I don't have to keep working to keep them clean! Tomorrow, Resurrection Day is cause for great celebration & praise to our Heavenly Father. There is much to be thankful for. 

In closing, I want to share the lyrics to a song by Ellie Holcomb. She sings to me via my Bluetooth speaker while I clean the kitchen, fold laundry or collapse on the couch for a 5 minute, life -saving snooze when I can't make it through our read aloud time.

What a great reminder.

Marvelous Light

I am not who I once was, defined by all the things I’ve done
Afraid my shame would be exposed, afraid of really being known
But then you gave my heart a home

So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light

Years of keeping secrets safe, wondering if I could change
‘Cause when you’re hiding all alone, your heart can turn into a stone
And that’s not the way I want to go

So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light

There’s no place I’d rather be
Your light is marvelous, your light is marvelous
You have come to set us free
You are marvelous, your light is marvelous to me

So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light

Springtime & wildflowers

I'm absolutely sure that I cannot say one specific season is my favorite.  I do prefer warm over hot & cool over cold but that's about it.  Way back in 2014 I wrote a post called Autumn at the Nest followed a few months later by Ice, Snow & a Stomach Bug. The title of that second one brings upon momentary depression. To this day I STILL preface every plan in the making with "if everyone is healthy we will....." Those yucky weeks really took a toll on our family. So far, this is a strange combination of words to accompany Spring pictures in the wildflowers but if you look back at the Autumn & Winter posts you will find a verse of a song called Every Season by Nichole Nordeman. This is me still trying to catch up two years later & (almost) complete the idea of a post per verse/season! In this case it's better late than never. Here is #3 of 4 posts.

This past winter was nothing like the "harsh" winter we experienced the year we returned to Dallas meaning we saw snowflakes once for about 30 minutes. I know my definition of a "harsh winter" shows that I am Texas born & raised...and a total wimp. Still, the idea of winter is important leading up to the verse about spring. So, glance back at those frozen pictures from early 2015 & imagine what happened to the earth underneath & for those of you who live in arctic like climates, don't laugh at me! We did live in the Sunshine State for the 6 winter's prior & was naturally vitamin D deficient upon return to this great state that has shorter seasons than most other parts of the country.

Not only was I cold & missing the sunshine during those months but our family was in the middle of a really difficult time. I had been diagnosed with a seizure disorder in October, took an abrupt leave of absence from my Labor & Delivery RN job & was unable to drive for five months. Without the assistance of someone else I was literally trapped at home with four children 5 & under. The Lord was SO gracious to provide many people to serve in tangible ways such as taxi-ing us around town or being a personal shopper at Tom Thumb (Kate Wallace....you're the best). We were on edge wondering if I would have another seizure & praying that I would be therapeutic on the medication as quickly as possible. I had a repeat MRI at the end of the five months & then the week I was able to drive again we found out that there would be another Valentine baby...best news ever. When the sun came out we felt like we could breathe again.

The final line of the previous verse says "Even now in death you open doors for life to enter, you are winter" & the transition to this verse is the culmination of the song. Instrumentally it's beautiful. The next words are....

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

It certainly felt like all things were made new. What a beautiful transition it was to witness in the world around us & in my own heart. My medication became therapeutic & we were given the gift of a new baby in the womb. God was faithful to help us persevere & that was a meaningful Spring here at the Nest.

This Spring was uniquely special as it was our first at the new house where we hope to be for a long time. It just so happens that our neighborhood parks were covered in wildflowers. We caught those beauties perfectly in bloom & were delighted to have our friend Brooke (and her trusty old camera) meet us on the windiest day....like 24 mph winds. It was also 60 degrees outside which combined with the wind felt pretty chilly! Thankfully we had some breaks from the hurricane like breeze & were able to get some wonderful family pictures with the help of another friend who jumped around & squealed to get everyone's attention. It worked!

  

Maybe in 2 more years I will finish the series with a Summer post....or maybe I'll surprise myself ; )

in my own little corner....

In the Rodgers & Hammerstein Broadway production of Cinderella there is a song that I love called "In my own little corner."  I'm not sure what I watched as a child since I never saw the Broadway show but it was something on TV or VHS that had Cinderella as happy as could be spinning, dancing & singing around a chair in her own little corner which was separated from her "real life." The phrase "in my own little corner in my own little chair I can be whatever I want to be" has always stuck with me & last summer after receiving some birthday money I decided to make my own little corner....with my own little chair.

A friend of mine called one morning & said she was driving down the street in her neighborhood on bulk trash day (as she often does) looking for "treasures." Her first find was an old ugly chair which she grabbed in case I wanted it. Shen knew we needed a couple more for our dining table since we never have enough for guests when we host dinner.  I was excited & shared that I really wanted one to have "my own little chair" for my "own little corner." Within the next two weeks she called to say she came across another beat down treasure, a desk that could use some TLC. She offered home delivery & even hauled it into my house since I was with child.

Both pieces sat around for a month or so until my in-laws kidnapped the Fab Four. I dragged the chair & desk to the entry way, threw down some tarps & got to work.

I wish I had a "before" picture of the chair....it was ugly but had great potential. When I flipped it over to unscrew the seat cushion I saw that it was made by Ethan Allen. Pretty good for a side of the road pick up!

List of repairs/upgrades:

• chalk paint- Robin's egg blue on the desk & a creamy white on the chair-it was my first go round & I was surprised with it's simplicity
• new fabric to cover ugly seat cushion
• the side of the desk had a lightweight board that was falling off so I ripped it all the way off to find an oval shaped hole that was about 4 inches in height. I was not in the mood to wait until Robby was home to figure out the proper repair. I ended up using duct tape on the inside to attach the oval piece that fell out. Good thing I didn't really care too much about "looks" ; )
• new drawer pulls
• slight sanding on some uneven surfaces prior to painting

Other additions to complete the corner:

• I used the blue & white to paint eight frames my mom bought at an estate sale while we still lived in Orlando. I wasn't sure why I never painted the wretched gold frames until the idea for my corner came about. They were perfect.
• some chalkboard paint
• a cork board covered in same fabric as the seat cushion with a clip attached
• a cute birdie with a hook
• all the meaningful designs & photos within the frames

I couldn't be happier with the final product & the thoughts it has brought about in my mind...looong post in which the title & thoughts are all tied together in the end. For now, here's the completed corner-

"Rooted & Established in Love" Humble, Texas + Dearborn, Michigan. I do love how identifiable the state shapes are. I know there is more to Michigan but I decided to stick with the "mitten" as the girls call it.

Since I love all things nest related, there are two birdies on the desk one of which is not in view in the photo below but was given to me by my mom. It could not coordinate more perfectly with our bedroom. The bird below is Polish in descent & arrived via package straight from Poznan, Poland from my Jenny girl. I LOVE it for it's beauty but more so for the reminder of a dear family far away participating in something eternally beautiful.  The brown vase was a gift from my brother Scott & did not have a "home" until my corner received it's finishing touches. Along with a couple pictures I really like is a frame with chalkboard paint & "teach my song to rise to you" lovingly cut out by my cousin Kelly with her Silhouette Cameo.

These lyrics come from a Matt Maher song called "Lord, I need you." There are so many great truths in this song that are centered around our great need for God & how Jesus is our righteousness.  My favorite part says

Teach my song to rise to you

when temptation comes my way

and when I cannot stand I'll fall on you

Jesus, you're my hope and stay

I SO desire my song; my call for help to rise to the Lord when I am tempted to be selfish with my time, respond in frustration to the needs of my children or become completely overwhelmed with my responsibilities.

Anson frequently yells "Mommy I need you!" with the most adorable inflections. Robby smiles & sings to me " I need you oh I need you, every hour I need you!" What a tangible example of what our simple & immediate call to God should be like. I'm thankful for sweet Anson's reminder in my life right now even though I have to take a deep breath before walking to his room ; )

A favorite print  that says "dwell" with a birdie (surprise, surprise) was given to me by my sweet friend Amanda before we moved back to Texas.  It's within my favorite of the frames.

I wanted to include a "V" & found a burlap one that I covered with stick on pearls & attached to a piece of fabric I bought when I was pregnant with Charlotte. The small oval was in need of some chalkboard paint & a number "7" to represent our growing family.

Below is one of my favorite pictures of all time that was taken when the twins came home from the NICU & is next to a Willow Tree mama holding a baby. It was a gift from a special friend, it reminds me of the fullness of a mama's arms with one baby & brings about laughter when I picture what it would look like if those arms were full of five "babies."

The last frame is filled with something very dear. On April 13, 2003 I opened this piece of paper with the lyrics of a David Gray song. I answered "yes" which was my first stepping stone to becoming a Valentine...

While it has been fun to have my pretty little corner in our bedroom, I seem to not be able to spend much time in my own little chair or any time really as of lately.  I see it when I wake up in the morning, when I come to relocate Bella so she doesn't bark during nap time or from the chair I nurse Arlo in which is across the room. When I am in that spot I can hardly see it over the mound of unfolded wrinkled laundry that often finds it's home there until I move it onto the chair I nursed the baby in so I can go to sleep. It's a bad habit. That was not my plan for this lovely corner but I am realizing even more that it's really not about my plan anyway.

I picked up a new book called Teaching from Rest- a Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakable Peace by Sarah Mackenzie. It has been extremely encouraging, convicting & has provoked much thought about how to move forward resting in the Lord while teaching these little ones.

She quotes Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis...

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's "own" or "real" life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life - the life that God is sending one day by day; what one calls one's "real life" is a phantom of one's own imagination."

Reading that stopped me in my tracks. How often do I feel that my plan is interrupted & that my day is derailed by handling 1,000 other minor crises. It IS my "real life" which in the context of "unpleasant things" is full of opportunity to embrace what God has given me whether it be children, a husband or my responsibilities in our little Nest.

It seems that the quote disproves my initial thought about the line  "I can be whatever I want to be." ....while I sit in my pretty little corner in front of the desk I have forbidden anyone to lay a hand on.  Regarding the phrase "being whatever I want to be" or using the label "my real life" I must acknowledge that where I am in life is exactly where I have always wanted to be. I could not WAIT to be a mother & though I had an extremely small understanding of the challenges I would face, I love it.  

Through the "real life" days filled with much neediness, He is sufficient to provide more abundantly than I can imagine. He is making me into HE wants me to be & my hope is that my desire each & every day would be aligned with his. So, rather than the day dreaming about the "what if I.." that could accompany me staring at my own little corner from my own little chair, I should place these five in front of my corner & celebrate what God is doing in my heart through them....

Opportunities to love & serve unselfishly abound...

How "The Valentine Nest" got it's name

Over six years of blogging, I have never actually taken the time to share about why I chose "The Valentine Nest" as the title back in 2009 so, here we go.... 

There was a favorite book that was read to me time & time again by both my grandmother & my mother called "The Best Nest" by P.D. Eastman. It is the story of Mr. & Mrs. Bird looking for a "better" nest. While in the process, they find all sorts of wrong places & end up back where they started. Throughout the book there is a song...

"I love my house, I love my nest, in all the world my nest is best"

My grandmother & my mother have always sung it to the same tune & I in turn have continued to sing those same notes to my little ones. At the time I was beginning to record life with little baby Charlotte, I was reading that book & singing the beloved song to her in the birdie themed nursery we prepared before her arrival. The word "nest" was on the brain. As we waited for God to bring children into our arms I dreamed of a home focused on nurturing the little ones in our care & began to think about the way a mother bird prepares a nest before laying her eggs.  I had experienced the "nesting" that most pregnant women do & it struck me eight months into being a mother myself, that Robby & I had made our own nest & were able to nurture a sweet baby girl the way we had longed for. 

"The Valentine Nest" seemed like the perfect title & so it began, Soon our nest was filled to the brim with our own little brood & we were learning more about nurturing than we had ever imagined! Building & maintaining a "nest" goes far beyond the physical sense & is rooted in God's calling to parents to bring their children up in the discipline & instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). In starting our nest we desired (and still do) 

• a home full of laughter, joy & peace as we vowed to each other on our wedding day  
• to know Jesus & make him known & help our children do the same
• for our children to grow up learning about the world through the lens that God made all things to reveal his own glory
• to nurture our children in a way that they feel loved, encouraged, protected & trained well to leave our nest as a young adult feeling confident about who they are in Christ

Six years later, we are still learning about nurturing not only our little babies but those who are becoming more independent (in small ways) but hey, independence is independence...even if you are only four & almost six years old right?! The past year has offered much time for contemplating the effects of picking up & moving our family from one state to another. Most anyone that has spent time with Rob & me over the past year has received the honest answer "it has been rough" to the question "How has it been being back in Texas?" I was NOT expecting it to be a challenge at all mostly because I considered Dallas "home" for Robby & me. It was "home" considering it is where we spent our early married life together, bought & sold our first house, welcomed two puppies into our lives, enjoyed time with nearby family & established friendships & community through a nearby church. 

We uprooted & took off to the Sunshine State after being in Dallas for almost three years & for some reason, when moving back to Texas I had forgotten what the process of assimilating to a new city with only a few familiar faces is like. It's hard, even when you know the Lord has gone before you & remains with you providing vast opportunities to be thankful & content in all circumstances & in all places. Robby & I have had too many conversations to count reminding each other of the length of time it took to establish close friendships in Orlando. It is encouraging & discouraging at the same time. There is one major difference in the two "stages" or rather FOUR little differences....soon to be five. We were free anytime we wanted to be about 6 years ago & now our life both naturally & out of necessity revolves around our little Nest. 

God has surrounded us with people here who care deeply for us & we are thankful. That being said, we are still adjusting to life back in the Lone Star State. All of this thinking has led me back to the word "nest" & the goal of sharing about our family through this blog.

If you haven't read The Best Nest, you should add it to your library & read it to your own children, someone else's child or maybe just to yourself. As Robby & I talked about the idea of a "nest" on a recent date night, I brought up the "theme" song, "I love my house, I love my nest, in all the world my nest is best" & said I thought it seemed like it was boastful & I didn't want to boast about our nest being better than anyone else's. He brought up a good point though in saying "but don't you want our children to feel like it is the best "nest" for them?" Of course I do. Looking back at the points elaborating on what we desire for our nest, we pray God will bring all of those to fruition over the course of time & that our children will grow to value the same things making our nest their favorite.

Robby had me read the entire book to him once we were discussing this topic & we had some good laughs. It starts with Mr. Bird being so happy with their nest & singing his song until his grumpy wife says "I'm tired of this old place, let's look for a new one!" He does some looking around finding all the wrong places & she has the audacity to say "you make too many mistakes, I am going to pick out the next house!" Yikes! Once she is in charge, she finds a church bell tower & Mr. Bird comments that it may be too big but she said she loved the big place & it was perfect. Another chuckle... I can SO see myself thinking big, beautiful, new & nice = perfect ; )

I love the next part describing all the things they collected to build their nest which included hay, mattress stuffing, soda straws, broom straws & even man hair with a picture of a creepy man on a bench (Rob's favorite to laugh at). They work so hard to make their nest just right but once the bell is rung, it all comes crashing down & Mrs. Bird fearfully takes off.

Considering the building part though, we can clearly see that every family chooses to build a physical "nest" in a unique way resulting in nests that differ in location, size & decor. Similarly, families build their nests according to their values, or biblical callings & even if these are the same as the "nest-door-neighbor" if you will, it could look entirely different than your own. Community with other Christians, if their family includes only a husband & wife or a house full of foster & adopted children, how they choose to educate those children, how they spend their time & a thousand other things will not & should not line up exactly with how your nest functions. God places these other nests around us to find encouragement from as we press on & be challenged to find our satisfaction in Him alone. When I consider our little brood & their differences in personality at such young ages, I can't help but imagine what they will be like when they are ready to leave our nest. They may join their life with another & build a new nest that will be one of a kind. It will likely be some combination of the nests that each spouse grew up in plus plenty that is all their own. How exciting. When all those kids "spread their wings & fly" we will have an empty nest & again, life will look entirely different. Tonight I cannot even imagine what that would be like as I am finished with day 1 of potty training two rambunctious two year old boys. Empty Nest syndrome is the farthest thing from my mind.

Back to the book as we are coming to a close. Once the "perfect" nest was built & then destroyed by that clanging bell, Mr. Bird could not find Mrs. Bird. In the midst of a storm he crashes into his old nest only to step inside & find Mrs. Bird singing "I love my house, I love my nest, in all the world my nest is best."   I'm sure he was shocked to hear those words come out of her mouth (or beak) after all her negativity & was then even more surprised when she said "there is no nest like an old nest for a brand new bird!" We will soon have a brand new bird & although we are not back in a physical "old nest," Dallas in many ways feels like that.  There are many things that are familiar but with the life change we experienced in going from a newlyweds to soon to be a family of seven we are building a new nest in an old location. We trust that the Lone Star State is the best place for this brand new bird because it is where the Lord has us right now. We hope that like the book says "and when the baby bird hatched, he thought so too" will ring true for baby number five.

The other emotional roller coaster I have been on the past month is hearing from two Orlando families that are making big moves this summer. The Ziel family that we spent countless hours with took off west to Colorado just a couple weeks ago & our own family, Steve, Jenny & our precious nieces & nephew should be on a plane to Poland by the end of the summer. In many ways it feels like yesterday when we loaded up the truck & left our Florida "nest." I could still cry at the drop of a hat thinking about all the emotions leading up to & following our move. Considering our adventure & the adventures for both of these families, I am clinging to the fact that a nest is something you can rebuild anywhere & with anything. Florida looks different than Texas, Colorado & definitely Poland but each of our families is rebuilding or soon will be, a place to nurture those in our care. It may resemble an old nest but it will always be different than it was. In the grand scheme of things, our earthly nests, lovely as they may be are temporary. Eternity with God in the new heavens & the new earth will be infinitely better than the physical provisions, security & care that we have worked so hard to provide in this broken world. Life in the presence of our Savior will not be temporary like our earthly nests and will be far beyond "the best" place to call home. 

Sunshine between the storms

Yesterday was a surprisingly refreshing day. I say surprisingly because Sunday night I felt doomed....for another storm. The kids & I arrived home from a week in Kingwood to a lovely, clean nest & an excited husband & daddy that made a quick trip to the store since all I wanted to eat was a cheeseburger. We ate dinner, snuggled the kiddos & got them down for the night. We sat down on the couch to breathe a sigh of relief (as we do everynight) & no more than five seconds later we heard one of the boys screaming. There are some screams that you wait a minute then saunter down the hallway but this one sent Robby full speed ahead to assess the situation. I heard him yell my name & took off as well. Poor Owen....our "weakest link" as we call him when it comes to one who contracts illness easily...was covered in vomit along with his bed & the carpet!

It is SO awful to see your children feel so crummy & I was tearful as I got him in the bath tub, cleaned him up & put on new jammies while Robby did the dirty work. Owen was snuggly as could be while we watched Rob's genius mind at work. He had the big blue tarp back in the room under the crib but since our timing is just fabulous, we had converted the cribs to toddler beds not even two weeks ago meaning there was great potential for a child to run through the room while suffering from the aforementioned ailment. Rob's best idea was the turn the crib around so the opening faced the wall! It scooted up nice & tight so no limbs could become wedged between the wall & the bed. We got Owen settled while Anson was completely passed out through bright light, screaming & the smell. We sat back down on the couch, began praying for our little Nest to be protected & before we knew it were back in the room.....4 more times over the next few hours. Poor pitiful baby & I was acting like a poor pitiful mama.  Robby asked if we wanted to watch a show & I told him I didn't even think I could smile. I assured him that I would not survive another outbreak in our home. All I could picture was the two miserable weeks of sickness that ended only FOUR weeks ago. My husband offered the wise words that assured me I would survive. I wasn't so sure. We could hardly sleep even once Owen was resting comfortably & we jumped at every potential sound that may indicate another child needs assistance. I honestly felt doomed & woke up in a grumpy mood. 

Thankfully, Owen was as chipper as he could be & ready to take on the world. I wish I felt like that after my current morning routine! Robby left for work & I began the balancing act of quarantine & three other children that need me every second. By lunchtime, the girls were saying that they "hated today" & in some ways, I agreed. The three of us were suffering from some ugly attitudes & sat down at the kitchen table to read our bible & start our schoolwork. There were many complaints voiced (mine in my head). I felt like my frustration was through the roof & I would have rather locked myself in my room for a bit but saw another opportunity to rely on the Lord to help me fight against my selfishness. He helped me & I just started praying aloud for us prior to reading. 

The girls if given the choice, would read the story about David & Goliath every day. We looked up the passage in my bible first & I read to them bits & pieces to help them understand how their Jesus Storybook Bible shares the same story in a different way that many times is helpful not only to them but us parents too : ) We read in 1 Samuel 16 about how "the Lord was with David " & within their bible that God was the one who made David strong & fought for him. We talked about how from the outside David did not seem like a very good candidate to fight Goliath due to his small stature & plan to use some stones instead of armor provided for him BUT that God knew his heart, that he loved Him more than anything else & chose to use David to reveal his power that day.  We prayed to have hearts that loved God like David. This sounds long & drawn out but on a typical day lasts about five minutes due to attention span deficits. I do trust that the Lord can use any second of our time we spend with our children to build a foundation of who God is & how He works so we just roll with it. 

After naps, I could hardly bear to keep them separated & had the passing thought of sharing a single spoon to eat a bowl of oatmeal with the hope of everyone going down together. The consequence made me shudder but I thought it would be better to be on a sinking ship for four days than two weeks. Instead of proceeding with option #1, we decided to put on our rain boots & head to the mud pit out back. I am SO glad we did because that is where the refreshment continued....

Today was literally the "sunshine between the storms" as tons of rain came down while we were away & the forecast is not looking too dry for the rest of the week so sickness or not, we were spending time outside!  I think these four have a few extra silly bones in their bodies.... 

There are moments during the day when I cannot stop smiling & tears often roll down my cheeks as I look at these four. I love them, I love them, I LOVE them but there are many moments when I feel like I am in a storm filled with four tornadoes swirling at my feet...five if you include Bella.  They need me, constantly & I need God to help me to joyfully care for these needs. I fall into not asking for His help or not believing that what He has to offer is more valuable than what I can come up with on my own.

We spend countless hours together (Robby included) & all know the best & worst of each other.  It is pretty apparent that we are desperate for hearts that love God. As we go about our day & I encounter my children struggling to share, speaking unkindly to each other & preferring themselves over anyone & everyone & I am easily irritated thinking "how many times do we have to talk about this?" When I take a step back, I see myself struggling with all the same things but looking a bit different because of the process I am in as Jesus strips me of myself & makes me more like Him. Rather than being irritated with the inevitable, I should spend time praying for God to give them a new heart that is sensitive to the Holy Spirit & helping them understand that Jesus is the only one who can intervene & have any eternal effect.

Amidst storms outside or storms in my heart, there are moments of sunshine. Yesterdays' tangible sunshine was made up of mud & roly poly's or doodlebugs as the Ellis family calls them : ) If these multi-legged creatures could move more quickly they would crawl up the fence & escape from our yard the second someone comes tearing across the backyard but instead, these four came up with quite the collection!

Eloise loves these & quickly had about six in her hands. A couple weeks ago the girls spent the night with the Valentines to help Papa plant his garden. In the process Eloise collected at least 30 roly poly's & Grammy was kind enough to let the collection pass through the back door. I received a text that evening saying I should have seen Charlotte & Eloise frantically capturing the roly polys when they were spilled on the kitchen floor! Ha! I would have loved that!

Gosh I love these dirty little boy hands. These belong to Anson.

Two, two year olds with a sum of four busy hands has been really fun & challenging at the same time. These dirty hands are into everything often at the same time on opposite sides of the room....it is so ridiculous it makes me laugh (sometimes). Much of the day in & day out time with the bunch is made up of helping them obey. I find myself repeating the same phrases over & over again.

Just to name a few:

• It's good to do hard things. Romans 5:3-5
• Be grateful for what you have. 1 Thessalonians 5:18
• Consider others greater than yourself. Philippians 2:3
• Obedience brings joy & reward. multiple examples... those who honored God
• Disobedience brings pain & hurt. multiple examples...we think of Jonah
• Do all things without grumbling- Philippians 2:14
• Why did God make you? To glorify & enjoy him, let's ask God to help us do that. Philippians 1:20-21
• What are the fruit of the spirit? Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness & Self Control. Let's think about the way we are acting (or speaking) & see if we are bearing good fruit. Galatians 5:22-23
• Practice Patience (just a part of that "good fruit") 
• Those listed above are scripture based but to quote the mother of Pinkalicious who holds much less authority than the word of God BUT still remains quotable...."You get what you get & you don't get upset!" - Pinkalicious

These roll off my tongue often with no effort but when I sit back & look at myself (again) I think.. "Do I do all things without grumbling? Do I like to do hard things? Nope, I surely don't. Do I enjoy God at all times? Am I grateful for what I have when I look at my messy house & realize I am still in my jammies right before Robby walks in the door from work? Do I bear fruit that reflects Christ? Do I get what I get & not get upset? Ha, I wish."

I am the one that knows Jesus & it is a daily battle for me to walk in a way pleasing to Christ....why on earth would I expect to not revisit these things on a moment by moment basis with four little ones who have not come to trust Jesus thus far in life?  What a gift it is to have them under my care even though it is one of those responsibilities that fall into the "it's good to do hard things" category.  You know what else falls into that category? This ol' pup who always seems to need me at inopportune times. I'm thankful this death defying leap (for an old girl) didn't send us in for a knee replacement. I do love her though & the kids will miss her terribly when she goes. 

It was refreshing to be outside observing some happy, playful kids that were actually enjoying their time together. It sure is a shame that no one can work this tricycle until they look like a clown with really long legs trying to ride.  I guess it is good exercise for whoever is pulling one or two kids around the yard ; )

These two hilarious boys are rarely still long enough to take a picture of them together...big win!

and just to prove they aren't always grinning ear to ear...

Charlotte & Eloise have a really sweet relationship that is filled to the brim with giggles but like any pair of siblings is learning daily about how to lovingly relate to another human being. Aren't we all? They are incredible big sisters & help the boys reconcile with one another in parrot fashion. For example. "Anson, say I am sorry for pushing you Owen, I should have been gentle. Will you please forgive me?" "Owen, say I forgive you." They are compliant & end with a "nuggle" followed by a crash to the floor. I have also observed, in a sneaky eavesdropping fashion the girls reconciling with each other prior to bringing concerns to me. This is not always the case but amidst the "storm" of disobedience, it feels like some major sunshine. Oh & sweet Lolo dressed herself & had her shirt on backward all day long. Least of my concerns these days ; )

In conclusion, storms for us right now are within the seemingly "black cloud" of stomach bugs & other illnesses, missing our Orlando "family," failing as I figure out schooling at home & questioning God's faithfulness as we continue to settle into life in the Lone Star State. Something I have been far removed from since leaving Dallas seven years ago is entering into the "storms" of others that are in an unplanned pregnancy feeling like abortion is the only answer or those struggling through life outside of Christ, happen to be pregnant & walk into our clinic. As soon as I resigned from my Labor & Delivery job, I jumped back on board volunteering at Thrive Women's Clinic serving in the RN capacity. I am doing pregnancy tests for Medicaid, limited ultrasound & counseling during a few hours one evening a week. This ministry is a valuable part of the community where the Lord is active & changing the hearts of women who cross paths with us at a vulnerable yet critical time. Those are painful storms for these women & are on my mind & in my prayers daily.

On the other side of the rainbow is the sunshine which sometimes appears when we least expect it. Some of this sunshine is when we see evidence of God's grace in our lives as we parent these children bearing the fruit of the spirit, we have a day of super fun learning that integrates life with typical "schoolwork" with no grumbling, we survive yet another illness & are healthy again & when we spend time with those we love dearly in Texas & are reminded of the Lords' provision. Many times the sunshine is in the storm & not just between. Our joy is not dependent upon our circumstance & we can rest in the Lord even when it feels dark & gray.

Though yesterday it was mostly sun & for that we were thankful...

The Nests' "12 Days of Christmas"

Last night we were on the couch with the girls after the boys were in bed. All of us were in silly moods & started singing the 12 Days of Christmas. The girls have been especially obsessed with this song due to a pop up book they love. Charlotte attempts to sing it at least once a day & it is never quite right but always adorable. Robby & I were cracking up spouting off our own "verses" if you will. Once the girls were down for the night I got out a pen & paper & we got to work on polishing our own Christmas tune.

Without further adieu, we present to you (in the most choir like voice you can imagine) ...

The Nests' 12 Days of Christmas

In the year of 2014 the good Lord gave to me

12 cheese & wine nights

11 bites of sushi 

10 years of marriage

9 doors a sticking

8 (hundred) cups of coffee

7 flaming tacos

6 medical procedures

5 different jobs

4 stand up comics

3 (thousand) diapers

2 moves in 2 months

"is that dog still a howling?" 

and everything we could possibly need!

It began in silliness but ended in reflection of how God has provided during a year of unexpected events & I wanted to take the time to elaborate on what we chose to include as we look back on the past twelve months. 

 12 cheese & wine nights- Cheese & wine night started once we were parents & it wasn't quite so easy to be spontaneous in the evening, heading out to dinner on a whim. Robby planned an evening with a lovely array of cheeses, a bottle of wine & catching up on some episodes of whatever show we were enjoying at the time. We loved it so much we decided to plan on one date out per month & one date in. So, four years ago "12 cheese & wine nights" would be completely accurate. This year it might be more like four times twelve ; ) We have fed the kids dinner, put them to bed & had soooo many nights on the couch enjoying our date night in we can hardly count. It used to be cheap & sometimes it still is but we have gotten hooked on driving to the Central Market that is only about 10 minutes away....bad news or good news depending on how you look at it. We have often added salami, fresh cut prosciutto, nuts & crescent rolls stuffed with Brie, apple & a walnut.  I also convinced Rob a few weeks ago to let me call & order cookies from Tiff's Treats. I had never heard of this until we returned to Dallas but am completely suffering from cravings for a dozen warm cookies delivered to our doorstep for a mere $20 (including tip). He swore he hated snickerdoodles until he tried some from our delectable delivery....bottom line....he is now suffering from the same craving.  Cheap or a splurge on our date night in has been fabulous for our marriage. We enjoy talking laughing & pausing shows a hundred times before the credits finish to return someone to their bed. We highly recommend adding this to your date repertoire!

11 bites of sushi- It was not our intention to have two food related items in a row but we couldn't avoid including the recent addition of sushi to my diet. For about 7 years we have gone to sushi restaurants. Same story every time, I ordered something cooked off the menu while Rob enjoyed his platter of raw fish that completely grossed me out. He asked that I try one piece every time we went & I obliged without putting up a fight. Honestly for about 6 & a half of those years I choked it down. Once we got back to Richardson, we had a night out at a place called Sushi Sake that is literally within walking distance.  I'm not sure what happened but I tried a piece & absolutely loved it. We have gone there EVERY date night since we moved into our house in June. We had decided to go to Texas Land & Cattle one night & at the last second I yelled "exit here! Let's get sushi." I am thankful Rob gently guided my taste buds to something so delicious. Too bad it is not priced like McDonalds ;)

10 years of marriage- We are celebrating ten years of being husband & wife NEXT WEEK! In some ways we feel like it has flown by while on the other hand part of it has felt quite slow.  We have experienced challenges throughout the "getting to know your new roommate" time period. having the fabulous idea to buy two puppies three months into marriage, moving halfway across the country, filling our home with little ones, medical issues, job changes & simply learning to love each other well. Looking back, we were babies at 21, 23 & still in college! What a gift it has been to have one another to walk through ten years of life with & we look forward to what is ahead.

9 doors a sticking-  We moved into a rental house at the end of June. This place fell in our lap as some may describe. A friend of mine knew the family that had lived here previously & the same week I was interviewing for my job (in April) they had purchased a home with a closing date when we were hoping to move. Timing wise it was amazing, the location is wonderful & the space is probably much more than we need but we are making good use of it! It does have some pretty concerning foundation issues that many homes along the creek have. I really could care less about the cracks in the walls but what is driving us insane is that there are nine doors that either do not close or have to be man handled to open. This is most frustrating when trying to keep kids in our out. It is also frustrating that Bella can push her nose against a door that is partially closed & get in to (commonly) wake up sleeping babies or sleep walking children can come straight into our room unnoticed. Other than that issue, we are thankful for a fenced yard, huge trees, the many pecans that have taken over the backyard, space in the kids rooms for beds & playing, a guestroom & an office for Robby's at home work, close proximity to the creek & walking trails (& Tiff's Treats), tile floors that look the same clean or dirty, a little bar area that Bella's cage & bed fit into perfectly & a fireplace & mantle to hang stockings from. We have talked about what is next & are not really sure. I brought up that I feel like we will be in transition until we buy a house here that we know we will be in for longer than a year or two lease. Robby made a good point about how living in transition helps us remember that the earth is not our home & that in comparison to eternity, we really don't live here for very long. So again, not sure what's next but keeping that in mind versus trying to find or remodel  to have the "perfect home"is so helpful.

8 (hundred) cups of coffee- We figured this number out by each of us drinking one cup of coffee a day & then some. I have mentioned before that Robby's family owned & ran a coffee shop for about 10 years. My dear husband has always been an avid coffee drinker but much like sushi, I had a major aversion to it. And much like sushi, something clicked one day while I was pregnant with the twins & I never looked back. I am one of those robotic people now that go straight to the coffee pot instead of pouring milk for the kids ; ) Sadly enough I rarely finish my morning cup due to helping others with their breakfast or other minor incidences of who knows what. Perfect example....I went to my closet one afternoon & glanced to the bathroom counter top to see two dirty diapers & an almost full cup of coffee. It made me laugh outloud & then think "Yuck! How could I have left those diapers there inches away from my toothbrush?" Anyway, we are enjoying Caribou dark roasted coffee currently, Rob likes his black & I like mine with milk, Starbucks Cafe Mocha iced coffe & a couple packets of Stevia in the raw...go figure. Some might say that isn't a coffee drink at all.

7 flaming tacos- We have laughed endlessly about the taco shells that caught fire in the oven the night we were carving our pumpkin "Tootles."  We were thankful it was easy to handle & the only damage was that the pan that was engulfed in flames now has the outline of the taco shells we burned that night. Thinking about Tacos in general....we have loved being back in the Lone Star state for the Tex-Mex places on every corner! We love Torchy's Tacos & Pappasitos the most & try to limit the amount of times per month we say "I'm not hungry for what we were going to cook tonight....let's order!"

6 medical procedures- Wow...who (other that God) could have forseen the many medical issues we have experienced this year? The six that stick out the most in chronological order...

1. Charlotte running into the tailgate of the truck face first while riding her scooter....6 hours after I left town! A trip to the ER with her Daddy yielded no stitches & a little glue. 
2. Robby's ruptured appendix the week we moved into our house which required emergent surgery & a few days in the hospital plus a month of recovery that included no lifting of any children...that was not fun in any way. 
3. Charlotte seeing a pediatric cardiologist for an EKG & Echocardiogram after our pediatrician heard a murmur at her well visit...all checked out just fine. 
4. Me starting to have "episodes" that prompted me to see an internal medicine doctor who referred me to a Neurologist. I got to have my first MRI & in office EEG which yielded a "potentially abnormal" result. 
5. That "potentially abnormal" result bought me a ticket to have 26 electrodes placed on my head for 72 hours. It was not nearly as bad as I thought & thankfully gave the doctor the information her needed to diagnose me with a seizure disorder. Since then we have seen another neurologist for a second opinion. She agreed with his findings & treatment so I am medicated now & slowly improving. 
6. To top off the end of the year, Robby is dealing with a tailbone issue which will most likely require surgery to resolve completely. Looks like we will start the year off with attempting to meet our deductible...again!  

As mentioned before, we could have not imagined what this year would hold regarding need for medical intervention but God has provided abundantly through jobs that have offered excellent insurance, family & friends who have helped with watching kids while we go to appointments, providing meals here & there, picking up things at the grocery store or driving me & the kids around. Overall, we feel like we are falling apart ; ) but, we already knew that. "So we do not lose heart, our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16

5 different jobs- Talk about transition! For Robby it has been the company he worked for the past seven years, a new job at a consulting firm nearby that started in September plus plenty of side projects that have definitely cushioned the medical bills. For me, it was working PRN with usually one night per week to starting a full time position once we arrived in Dallas to me not working at all currently until I am therapeutic on medication & seizure free.  That encompassed a lot of change for our entire family. Through all of these job changes, God provided what we needed financially & beyond that, what we needed relationally as a family. Robby's current IT consulting firm could probably be seen from our house if all the huge trees were cut down. It takes him less than 5 minutes to get there so we see him more than we would if he were working downtown. This close proximity to our house has allowed him to take us to & from school, lot's of lunches at home & a flexible schedule.

4 stand up comics- Though our home may be filled with lots of crying on any given day, it is equally filled with laughter. Our little brood which keeps us on our toes has the capability to make us laugh so hard we tear up. As months pass we see them developing such drastically different personalities from each other. They are all funny in a unique way & we are so thankful that God made them exactly like he did. Some hilarious things as of lately..

• Charlotte- while shelling peanuts at the kitchen table "Mommy, do peanuts come from elephants?" Robby thought my answer of "No sweetheart, they come from peanut trees" was even funnier. She has also made me laugh with comments about my brain not working correctly which is how we have described my recent diagnosis. She said the other day when I accidentally rubbed shampoo all over my face instead of soap "I think we need to go see that doctor & he can open up your head to figure out what is wrong with your brain." Haha! 
• Eloise- During the elephant/peanut conversation we could hear Eloise screaming from the other side of the house. Robby had only been home for a few minutes & after he finished laughing about peanut trees he took off to the boys room where I had left her reading in the chair. I was right behind him when he found her up on the dresser. He said "Oh Eloise, I am so sorry! I didn't know you were stuck! How long have you been up here?" The child with no sense of time replied with a tear streaked face "four hours!" Oh my goodness we were laughing so hard. I reassured Robby that she had in fact been in the kitchen moments before he arrived home ; ) 
• Owen- This skinny little guy can wiggle out of almost every piece of clothing he owns! We often find him shirtless, pantless & sockless in his bed following a nap or playtime. When you walk in to find him he is saying "uh oh, uh oh, uh oh!" He has taken off with his talking & pronounces the end sound of every word with great inflection making us grin. We watched him in the backyard one afternoon as he found a pecan, carried it to a rock then proceeded to pick up a brick & smash the pecan to get to the yummy inside. We were impressed. 
• Anson- Oh Anson, he panics when his "baby" ie blankie is out of sight & is happiest carrying two blankies around the house. He says "Thank you" constantly like no matter what you say, he replies "Tankoo" & has recently added our names after. He loves to dance & copies any crazy move we do. He is also capable of escaping from his clothing & was found the other morning with a Tarzan style footed pajama...one arm out which is pretty impressive considering his chub.  He has also picked up on some of our CC memory work & knows the six parts of the circulatory system with hand motions. He can sometimes do it without prompting. 

Robby & I enjoy our siblings so very much & laughter is a big part of our relationship with them. We pray that the laughter our four experience will be remembered with fondness as they grow older & that they will always find joy in laughing till they cry....or snort like some of us do ; )  

3 (thousand) diapers- Rob calculated this one & we rounded up to 3,000. He is better at estimation & math than I am so I trusted the number he reached. That's a lot of diapers & that is only this year! We have had one, two or three kids in diapers at the same time since 2009. Changing thousands of diapers is just part of the mundane & necessary tasks parents perform day in & day out. There seem to be lots of those throughout a day which make me feel like I am in the movie "Groundhog Day." There is great joy to be found in caring for little ones in mundane tasks or in exciting, out of the ordinary things. God has really provided us with the energy & patience to go from sun up to sun down & occasional hours in the middle of the night with our bunch. We are far from perfect but there are evidences of his grace that help us remember that He works in us & through us.

2 moves in 2 months- Wow, that was wild, a little bit fun but mostly exhausting. We were so thankful that Bob & Jeannine welcomed us into their home bringing along four kids, a dog & plenty of boxes that lined the back wall of their living room. Living there gave us the ability to recover a bit financially, have grandparents that love our babies as much as we do care for them while we worked & jump start relationships living in the same town. We spent May & June there which included three birthdays, Mother's Day & Father's Day. We moved a lot of our stuff into a storage unit when we arrived so that was a big haul to get it all to our place in Richardson. It felt good to unpack & settle as much as we could with Rob in recovery mode & me working full time night shift. I'm tired just thinking back to that time!

"Is that dog still a-howling?"-  We knew that part of the song wasn't there but we had to include Bella & thought it appropriate that she be included in the part of the song that gets repeated a lot....because she howls a lot. You might mistake her for a beagle or a hound dog around 5:45 am EVERY DAY! She is still kicking at nearly 10 years old & must have a bladder the size of a pea. She is gray in the face & still has the cutest little ears that perk up when you say "squirrel!" She tolerates love, affection, kids trying to ride her & being trapped by two girls that love to play "pet shop" or "veterinarian." It's a lot of work to have a dog on top of the kids but we're not sure what we would do without her other than sleep until 7am of course ; )

and everything we could possibly need- If there were more syllables in that part of the song we could say that He has provided more abundantly than we could have imagined throughout the past year. We are grateful for those who have prayed for us & cared for us in 2014. We are hopeful that we can be on the "helping" end next year ; )